On a balmy summer evening, I was sent across the road and up the long lane to my grandmother’s farmhouse to fetch a bottle of milk. Being about 8 years old, this was a very grown-up responsibility, of which I was proud. Someone got the milk and I left for the return home. As I rounded the huge lilac bush at the top of the lane, a June bug flew up the sleeve of my t-shirt and was buzzing angrily in my armpit! Instant panic! That shirt got ripped off but, unfortunately, the bottle of milk landed, shattered, about ten feet away – in the gravel! In tears and terrified, I think I stood there for a long time, thinking about my options. I couldn’t go home without the milk, but I sure didn’t want to go back into the house and confess what I had just done! In that moment, I was paralyzed with shame. I didn’t want to face my grandmother, aunts and uncles, all gathered in that kitchen. At last, sensing doom, I made the painful trek where, of course, everyone sympathized with my catastrophe. My Uncle Lloyd walked me home to protect me – or was it for the new bottle of milk? I’m sure, after I left, they all broke down in fits of laughter over my big ‘drama.’
But that’s how quickly shame storms in, clouding our every thought, painting dark scenarios. In the Garden of Eden, with a bite from the forbidden fruit, evil swooped in to hurl accusations at Adam and Eve, stripping away their innocence and suddenly making their natural state a thing of which to be ashamed. Shame can come to children with a forgotten school assignment, a naughty word spoken in anger. It can come to adults not getting that raise, getting fired, getting a speeding ticket. It instantly creates a desire to hide, to hold it in, vainly hoping it will go away if ignored. It’s a universal plague, a consequence of the Fall.
Speaking of the disciples, it’s easy to imagine shame pouncing on their abandonment of Jesus at his arrest and trial and crucifixion. Shame took Judas to a tree in a dark and isolated field. Shame was partly responsible for the group’s disbelief at Jesus’ resurrection. Shame caused Peter to avoid eye contact with Jesus, and it was shame that attempted to convince him he was a disgrace, no longer acceptable as a disciple, following his empty boasting.
While shame continues its destructive campaign wherever it finds a vulnerable soul, the truth of the Gospel continues to announce that grace and mercy are freely available to all. Jesus’ perfect, once for all, sacrifice has torn open the Holy of Holies, providing access for every shame-ridden heart in need of cleansing; even that of a distraught 8-year-old staring down at spilled milk and broken glass. Looking forward to seeing all you cleansed disciples tomorrow, 10 AM, 3 PM. PD
Don graduated from Regent University in 1988 and moved to France for seven years, coming back to the US briefly to marry Sue in 1990. The work in France included working in a Christian School and helping plant a church before returning in 1995. He’s been pastor of Peninsula Vineyard since 1999. He enjoys counseling, especially married couples, traveling back to France (with Sue), reading, doing Sudoku puzzles and sleuthing out good, dark chocolate. Don serves as the senior pastor of the Vineyard Church Peninsula, in Newport News, Virginia.