Do you ever hear yourself saying something unscripted, unrehearsed, that surprises you? I mean, not in an open-mouth-insert-foot kind of way, and not in a bring-all-conversation-to-an-awkward-halt kind of way? I’m thinking of something that is more than just intelligent (although that wouldn’t be bad) but something powerful enough so that it sticks with you for days or weeks, maybe by the very simplicity of the thought. I have one that formed itself in my mouth last month, then dropped out, that still speaks to me, still reassures me. It happened in a conversation with my Spiritual Director. Here it is: ‘I’m fully provisioned.’ Earthshaking, right? Nope. Just Truth 101. Not a brilliant thought. Not a theological stunner. Basically just an agreement with the Apostle Paul. It’s one of those ‘aha’ moments that the Holy Spirit occasionally still pulls up on my ‘screen’ as a reminder.
My terse little phrase is serving to keep my heart and soul upright and steady. And I’m not Paul in a cold, damp, dirty, prison cell, hungry and alone in the dark! Yet it is easy to let the merest imposition, the least interruption, the tiniest hint of want (gasp!), to set off the clanging alarm of panic, the cold specter of fear, the heated indignity of wounded pride. The truth, however, remains: I am fully provisioned. Ahh!
I think this is the lesson the Israelites were having to learn throughout the storyline of the Old Testament. God kept trying to communicate, as clearly as possible, the fulness of the loving provision from His hand. (I can hear echoes of my childhood, when I would hear a response from my mother, and then my too-rapid, too-cheeky, comeback would be: ‘Yeah, but . . .’) It seems the Jewish mindset, too, was not willing to relinquish individual sovereignty in favor of God’s. And this, in light of the miraculous provision of deliverance from Egypt, the provision of heaven-orchestrated victories in warfare with foreign nations, the astonishing provision of repeated forgivenesses of their sins. They could still complain!
Because we are like the Jews of the Old Testament, it isn’t surprising that the Gospel still seeks our complete submission, the dying to our ‘selves,’ the reckoning of ourselves as dead to sin, but alive to Christ. I find it reassuring that we are not alone in our struggle to grow into Christ. Our old nature is combative because it doesn’t realize the truth: WE ARE FULLY PROVISIONED. PD
